Hi, my name is Jake and I'm probably less cool than you think I am. I play guitar and yell in a band called Sleep On It. Let's hug, . http://www.twitter.com/jakesonaplane
I feel like I have no one to talk to about this so I’m going to blog about it. I’m not looking for pity or sympathy, and just because this is a technically public place doesn’t mean I want attention.
WHY, oh why can’t I let myself be happy? I push away everything that’s good for me. My own anxiety over what if’s and could be’s prevent me from ever doing anything. I’m almost 26 and I’m a coward. How? I’m not sure. I don’t know how to put a finer point on this. I’m scared of being happy with a girl and it’s embarrassing. I hurt any girl that gets close to me because I back out at the last second.
maybe it’s because I don’t feel stable enough in my own life to take on another’s as well. I assume that I can’t give the attention they deserve and therefore don’t see myself dating them. It’s a shit reason and I know it. I just end up hurting people I care about.
I don’t know why I think the alternative is any better: wallowing in being single. Being single sucks and everyone knows it. You’re aimlessly navigating through awkward social situations hoping you meet someone decent with some degree of intelligence. sounds fun right?
I really hurt someone last night. and for what? avoiding potential failure? I don’t know how to apologize for something so vague and pathetic.
I’m mad at myself and I hope someday I’ll figure out how to get close to someone without freaking out.
if you read this, I’m sorry. I know that will never be enough.